Chapter 19: Our Lives

Lillibeth found herself busy cleaning and rearranging things often. She was trying to keep her mind busy; Cameron had been gone for a few months and she missed him terribly. They talked almost every day at the beginning but as his classes got harder and he became busier, they talked about every week. She missed him being by her side; they had not been apart this long ever. She was proud of what he was doing though and she told him that every chance she got. The kids were growing more and more every day. The twins were busy with school and activities if they weren't at home driving her crazy. The triplets were big balls of energy and keeping up with them took the energy of at least two people but she managed. James was a big help and she was thankful for him. He helped the girls with their homework, fed and changed the babies when needed and played games with them, Lilly loved him for that.

"Give it back!" yelled Willow from their bedroom, "Give it back now Amelia!" She continued to yell and scream at her younger sister. "Great, what is it now?" Lilly mumbled under her breathe. "Mom! Amelia keeps taking Harlow!" Willow yelled. Harlow was Willow’s toy bear that she held dear. Her yelling caused the triplets to stir and wake from their nap an hour earlier than Lilly would have liked. Lilly sighed, "Amelia, get out here now." Amelia strolled into the living room while trying to wipe the smile from her face. "Why do you torment your sister like that?" Amelia didn't say anything. "I asked you a question young lady." This was an everyday occurrence with them: Amelia would take something or hide something just to get a rise out of Willow. In addition, every day Amelia would just smirk and laugh it off. Between the two of them and the triplets, Lilly’s strained. The triplets were getting restless, "I got them!" James yelled. Lilly just stared at Amelia, "listen to me when I say this: I'm tired of your little antics. I don't know what is going on with you but this will stop. Do you understand me?"

Amelia just rolled her eyes and walked away. Her mother had to admit, that child pushed all her buttons and she was not making things easy lately. Lilly figured it was because Cameron was gone. James was helpful to them all but he was busy with work lately with the recent break-ins. She just sighed and went to help with the babies. Wyatt was on the floor with his bottle while the other two whined and fussed in their cribs. "I'm coming Rora and you too Bryson." she told them. James picked up Bryson and snuggled the little tyke. The triplets were Wyatt, the oldest, Bryson is the youngest boy and Aurora is the youngest of all the Palmer children. They were all spunky and had their own personalities. Bryson was more rambunctious, stubborn and active; he apparently got that from Cameron. Wyatt was very timid and quiet; he was easily content with a few blocks and a bottle. Aurora was one that needed to be watched closely. Look away long enough she would be out in the yard if you were not careful. They were a handful together but were adorable.

***

The kids were finally in bed, James was in his room reading and Lilly could relax for a little bit. As she listened to the empty silence that filled their home, she could not help but start to cry. She missed her husband as she replayed their last conversation two days before in her head. "Hey honey! I'm sorry I hadn't called in a couple of days. These professors do not give you a break at all some times. Studying, studying and even more studying.” he told her. "It's okay. I’ve just been busy with the kids; they all miss you a lot.  When will you be home?" she asked with sorrow in her voice. "It's still a couple more months.  I'll be home soon though I promise Lilly." he reassured her. Before she could respond to him he said, "Honey I have to hurry up and go. I love you all!!" then the dial tone. She sighed and tried to fight back the tears that were stinging her eyes. "I love you too…" she whispered. 

"Why don't you go out for a bit?" James said breaking the silence. "I don't know." she mumbled.  He sighed, "I know things haven't easy with Cameron being gone. I know they are harder than you thought they would be but you cannot mope around here all the time. Take some time for yourself, go to the spa, go OUT!" he said sternly. Lilly knew he was right. If she did not get out, she would go crazy. “Alright. Do you mind watching the kids?” she asked. He just looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Right of course you don’t.” She said with a gentle smile.

Lilly chose to head to one of the local bars, “A glass of anything strong would be really good right about now.” She felt like she needed some to calm her nerves with all of this anxiety getting to her. Lilly walked into the bar which seemed to rather empty and went to the bar to order a drink. As she sat and sipped on her drink she wondered if this stress would ever go away; it was as if she could not shake it or was being buried by it and struggling to breathe. She was enjoying her drink and was about to order another one when she heard a familiar voice. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” said the voice. It was Jason Porter. “Look who’s talking." She smiled. Jason took the seat next to her, “How have you been?” he asked. Lilly thought about it for a second, “I’ve been better to be honest." A frown came across Jason’s face. Lilly filled him in on the situation. As they talked she wondered why Cameron was so against him.

Jason also filled Lilly on his life since he dropped off the face of the earth. His father in fact disowned him. Jason struggled with gambling and other things that got in the way of the family business. Jason spent a lot of time getting help and getting back into his father’s good graces. He was slowly but surely getting back on his feet. “I can’t believe Cameron would leave you to care for five kids.” Jason complained while still trying to use his Old Jason Porter charm. “Well to fair we didn’t find out about the triplets until before he left. Our lives are full of surprises like that.” She replied. “Still though, I wouldn’t have left. I couldn’t have.” He told her. She told him how she convinced him to go and how James came to live with them to help. 

 After a couple of drinks they decided to play a few rounds of pool. Lilly was enjoying herself. It had been a while since she had been out without a baby or two in tow. She laughed at Jason's corny jokes and enjoyed another drink. An hour later Jason approached her with that devilish smile that only Cameron had really seen. Lilly could tell he had consumed his fill of alcohol. "Listen, I'm really enjoying myself. What do you say we continue the fun at my place?" he asked. Lilly's smile quickly turned to a frown, "Um. Thanks for the offer Jason but I'm going to have to decline. I may be a bit tipsy but I'm alert enough to know I don't want to make that mistake." she tried to say with a smile but he was starting to make her skin crawl. Jason's face turned in an instant as he grabbed her by the arm.

 Jason was silent for a second, “What exactly do you see in him?” The question took Lilly by surprise, “What do you mean?” Was he really asking her this? “I don’t know. For a long time I thought you two just weren’t a perfect fit.” He confessed. Lilly took a second to think about what to say next. “ I honestly don’t think it really matters what you think. You’re on the outside looking in. Cameron may not be perfect, hell I’m not perfect but we’re human.” She paused, “out of all the humans on this earth I truly believe Cameron was meant for me and vice versa; that “cosmic connection” if you will. He’s smart, whether he thinks so or not, he’s loving, caring and sensitive. He’s the father of my children and I wouldn't trade him for anyone. But why am I explaining this to you? Listen Jason, thanks for the drinks. Whatever it is you’re looking for or trying to find, I hope you succeed. I think it’s time for me to head home. Cameron was right about you. Oh and another thing..." she leaned in close to him, "If you ever touch me again they'll never find your body." She gave him a pat on the shoulder, “Take care.” Lilly smiled and left Jason Porter at the bar holding his ego and a little afraid.

***

The next day Lilly took James’ suggestion and went to get some much needed pampering. As she made it back home her phone rang, it was Cameron. “Hey honey!” she answered eagerly. “Hey you! Figured I’d call to check up on you and the kids. How are things?” he asked. “The twins are argumentative as always and the babies and growing more and more every moment it seems.” She gave a relaxed and contented sigh. “I can’t wait to see them again. I look at their pictures every day.” Cameron got quiet for a second, “ I know things haven’t been easy for you, for any of us really, these past few months. I want you to know that it will all be okay, I promise you. I love you and I want you to remember that. I’ll call back later on this evening after my class.” He told her. “OK. I love you too. Talk to you later.” She replied. At that moment, it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders, even if just for a little bit. She smiled and headed into the house.  

The kids were inside playing as James was reading. “Whoa, look at you. Nice hair cut!” he said. Lilly smiled, “Yea I thought I could use a change.” “Well it looks really good on you.” James replied. As the kids played and James went back to fixing things around the house, Lilly decided to rest on the couch. The last few months had been stressful. She cried herself to sleep most nights. She missed her husband; she missed way things were before their lives became so hectic. Lilly felt guilty for feeling this way but she knew it was common to think about what life was like without the kids. She glanced at Wyatt as he played with his xylophone, Bryson played with the blocks, Rora played with her bear and she could hear the twins bickering in the background. When she thought about it, the lives they had when they first moved to Starlight Shores was great but the life they had now felt: Complete. Lilly gave a contented sigh, "I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world." She smiled and joined Wyatt on the floor. "I wouldn't change a thing about our lives."

*End of Chapter 19*

Coming up: Chapter 20: Bonds

Chapter 18: Family

Things had become tense between Cameron and Lilly over the past three months.  Lilly did not get rid of the baby and Cameron agreed. However, they still had not addressed the real issue at hand. Why exactly did Cameron think this was a bad time? They always talked about having a house full of kids. Whatever the reason, he wasn't saying. The girls had just left for school and Lilly was busy cleaning the kitchen while Cameron was doing his morning workout on the back deck. As Lilly glanced at her husband and he paced himself on the treadmill, she wondered what was going through his mind. They had never been this distant and it hurt. She let out a trembling sigh as she continued with the housework.

Cameron increased his pace on the treadmill as he slipped into his deep thoughts, “I hate this.” He hated being this distant from his wife and he hated himself for the things that he said. He didn’t want her to get rid of the baby; he couldn't believe those words even blurted out of his mouth. How do you take words like that back? How do you smooth this over? He ran even faster as the questions raced through his mind. Cameron didn’t want her to hate him and even more important he didn’t want the twins or the unborn child to hate him. That was a huge weight he would have to carry on his shoulders, he had to tell Lillibeth everything. The truth was: he was just worried.

Lilly finished her housework and figured she would catch up on her TV shows she had recorded. Just as she sat down on the couch and started to become slightly comfortable, the doorbell rang. "Damn it! Really?" she complained. She got up reluctantly and answered the door, it was Zoe. They hadn't seen each other in a while since Zoe's business started doing well. "Hey! Look who's glowing!" Zoe exclaimed with a smile. "Yup…" Lilly said with a frown. She could care less if she was "glowing" it didn't really matter. "Oh someone's a bit moody or bitchy, whichever floats your boat." Lilly and Zoe made their way to the dining room and sat in silence for a minute as Lilly just glared at her husband through the window. "You two haven't said much to each other have you?" Lilly looked at her, "No we haven't." She looked down at her feet. "We've just avoided the subject. Talked when we needed to talk." Zoe frowned, "Now I'm no expert at relationships. I've dated two guys in the past six months and they've both gone to hell." "The relationships or the guys?" Lilly asked with a slight smile. 

"The relationships but don't think I didn't tell the guys to take a one way trip there." Zoe giggled. She realized how much she missed her friends since they all were so busy. Eric had a family of his own, Emma was busy, Summer was gone and Zoe was living her dream. Lilly loved the comfort that Zoe brought the atmosphere and she really needed that. She felt like she was neglecting her motherly duties, though the girls spent most of their time together and were pretty self sufficient. Lilly missed spending time with their little faces. Cameron and her had to fix this, she just wasn't sure of what to say or when to say it. She was going to say something else to Zoe when the doorbell rang yet again, "Who is it this time? Eric?" "No. Him and Noah were busy, I called them before I came." Zoe responded. Lilly grunted as she lifted herself from her seat and headed to the door. She opened it to find two people that she didn't expect to see together, at all. Constance and James.

 ***

"Constance? James? What...what are you two doing here?" she squealed. Out of all the people, Constance and James together would be the very last that she thought would show-up.  James slowly paced the living room looking around. "Is everything okay James? Can I get you something?" she asked him. He didn't reply right away, "I'm okay Lillibeth. Thank you for asking sweetheart." Honestly, that had to be the nicest thing he has ever said to her. She respected him to a certain extent, it was just odd to have him in her living room and she wondered why he was here. "How are you Constance?" Lilly focused her attention on her mother-in-law. "I'm well sweetheart but more importantly how are you and the kids?" she asked with a gentle smile. "We're good actually." Lilly replied. There was an awkward silence. No one seemed to want to address the giant elephant in the room.

Cameron hopped off the treadmill and tried to catch his breath. He heard voices coming from the living and wondered who had come to visit. As he entered the house he saw Zoe sitting at the table and farther over he spotted James and his mother. "Mom, what are you doing here?" he wanted to ask what James was doing there but he figured he better not. They hadn't spoken much to each other since the divorce. "We're here to visit but also to see what the hell is going on between you two!" she didn't want to waste anymore time. The atmosphere went from awkward to tense in a matter of seconds. "Let's all have seat." Constance directed. "Mom, we're fine we -" "I. Said. Sit!" she yelled. Everyone scrambled to find a seat. Even Zoe feared of being put in time out for the remainder of the conversation. "Now what's going on with you two?" James asked. "Do you really think you have the right to know?" Cameron shot back. "Quit it Cameron!" Lilly snapped back at him. "No Lillibeth. He's right. I haven't exactly been there for him the last 15 years but I'm here now…" James trailed off.

"What's going on with you Cameron?" his mother interjected before Cameron could give a smart reply. He glanced down at his shoes, "I just didn't think it was the right time to be having a baby. I didn't exactly handle things well, I know." he said. "You bet you didn't jackass." Zoe chimed in. She couldn't help it but it pissed her off that this was happening. She didn't want to see this tear them apart when all they could do is communicate with each other.  Cameron sort of rolled his eyes and continued, "The team is offering me the chance to be a sports agent. In order to do that I have take college classes."

"That's it?" scoffed Zoe. "Zoe hush, let him finish." Constance snipped. Cameron stood up, "If I did this it would mean I would be away from Lilly, the girls and the baby. Of course it would also mean more money." he paused, "the last time she collapsed and could have died. Her and the babies could have died. I can't leave them again, this scares the shit out of me." The room got quiet. Lilly walked over to her husband. "Cameron is that what this is all about." She smiled. All of her fears subsided at that moment. "Willow, Amelia, the baby and I will be fine. The last time was scary, I won't deny that, but I don't think this should stop you from doing what you have to do. Doing what you want to do, you might not get another chance." she said with a smile. "I told them I'd think about it. They're pressuring me for an answer." Cameron told her."Well think about it. Whatever you decide I'll support you." Lilly said. That's why he loved her: She was always there for him and supported him. He forgot that's one of the reasons he fell in love with her. He loved her, he loved their family. He had to make a decision of what to do. He apologized to her, to everyone for the things that he had said. Now another matter at hand: Why exactly was James really here?

***

Constance and James settled into the house for their visit after they spent some time catching up with Lilly and Cameron. Zoe left but not before giving Lilly a big hug, her belly a rub and not before punching Cameron in the arm though she really wanted to punch him in the face. Willow and Amelia came home and were excited to see their grandmother. James kept his distance from them for a bit while the girls caught up and chatted about the new baby and what the twins were up to. 

Cameron was out back on the grill preparing hotdogs for dinner. James figured he would take the opportunity to talk to him. Let's hope this goes well. He wasn't sure exactly what to say to him at first. James kept picturing the little boy he used to cradle and make laugh. He was certain bouncing him on his knee wouldn't work this time, it would just be awkward. "Is there something I can help you with?" James asked him. "Nope." was all that Cameron uttered. James took a deep breath, "Look Cameron. I know we haven't said much of anything since our fight and the divorce." Cameron gave no response. "I just want to be able to put this behind us and move on. Someone has to be the

bigger person in all of this." Again Cameron said nothing. James took a long pause, "I'm sorry Cam." Cameron stopped what he was doing. He hadn't been called that in a long time, not even by his mother or his wife. Cameron turned around to look at the man that raised him. James wasn't always an ass. He was the one that taught him to throw a baseball when he was a little. The one that made him love sports to begin with. How could he have forgotten that?

"You may not be my son by blood but you're still my son. I vowed to raise you despite how you were conceived. Nonetheless  you were conceived out of love. Your kids love you, your mother loves you, your father loves you, and I love you too. More importantly, your wife loves you. I loved your mother, I still do and that's something that I will have to live with. Letting her go but deep down it was for the best. I don't want you to live with any regrets." James told him. 

That's the exact same thing Bryce told him before he left, "What are you saying then James?" he asked. James sat down at the table, "Do you want to be a sports agent? No, don't answer that. I can tell that you do. This is something you've worked hard for. You've fought tooth and nail to get where you are." Cameron knew he was right he wanted to do this, he really did. He was being very transparent; everyone could see right through his bullshit. He also knew if he didn't he'd may never get another chance. He glanced over at his family sitting at the dining table laughing and having fun. "You're right." he mumbled. "You have a whole support system here that you've forgotten. You have your wife, your kids and your friends. While your parents and I don't live here, we support you as well. You should do this Cameron, you really should." James told him, "I may not be your real father but I still hope you consider me to be a father. I'll stay here with the girls if that would make you feel better." Cameron couldn't believe that they were having this conversation. That the man he spent so much time hating was offering to care for his family while he was away. "You'd do that?" Cameron asked. "Well, we're family aren't we?" James said with a smile.

They were family despite the disagreements. All that they've been through together, they were in fact a family. Cameron let his worry cloud his mind. For the first time in a long time, all the Palmer's were gathered and enjoyed a meal together. Cameron and James let the family know what the plan was and they were happy to hear that the men were slowly going to patch things up. Though she would miss him, Lilly was glad that Cameron was taking this opportunity. When he came back they would have a brand new baby in the family. There was just one thing left: If James was going to move in, they needed a bigger house.


*End of Chapter 18*